There may be a friend somewhere down the road..

Wednesday, Oct. 26, 2005 ~ 5:49 p.m.

I've always been a little paranoid..

For a long time, I was convinced that you were doing things purposely to hurt me. I've come to get past those things, and in a way, though it wasn't what I wanted, the way that you treat me isn't what I originally wanted, you were able to astutely determine what I actually needed, besides the fulfillment of my desires, or so I thought, and give me exactly what was required for me to grow up and move as an individual. Thank you.

Rarely have few been so honest with me, so intent on putting the metre stick between us but still having a good grip on my shoulder so I don't go spinning off. I've never experienced something like this, so I am slightly derailed by it, but it's interesting to know that the other party in a relationship actually cares about your outcome, whether it's on the level you want or not. I do feel like you carry a concern for my wellbeing. I don't know if I am imagining it. I am better for it, for you forcing me away. I lost a little insight, but I don't truly mourn for it. They say that eavesdroppers often find out things about themselves that they never wanted to hear, and I never wanted to hear the negative. I would get a rush of adrenaline, everytime I approached, would there be an opinion on me? Something evil scrawled across the page? No, I never found anything like that, and if there had been an issue, I know you would have told me anyways, that's just the way that things work. The interchange between us, that's how it is.

I thought for a long time that your goal was to 'get' me, to hurt and knock me down, but you shouldn't be insulted. Nearly every person I've gotten close to has been suspect at one point or another in my mind. I get it, now. I thank you now.

There was something about the handwriting that made me keep every scrap -- something about the way the eyes looked away at the last, I've kept something burning on the sill real low, but now I don't know..